Confused

I've been feeling restless for a while now, like I want to do something, but don't know what. It could be something small, like getting out of town for a weekend, or big like deciding what I want to be when I grow up, and new direction, something ambitions... I don't know. Even today, I really want to blog something, but don't know what to say. Maybe it's spring fever. Maybe it's a midlife crisis - I am 39 years old - or maybe it's just time to do some self-adjustments.

I have been wondering for sometime now if there isn't something more that I should be doing, something that I could be. It seems like most people have their thing that they are, like a writer, or an historian, or a mother, or a collector of things. I watched a movie the other night called "Sylvia" about Sylvia Plath, the poet. In one scene she and her friends are spontaneously improving poetry that they made up as they went along, and then later quoted Shakespeare and others, and I thought, "I'd love to have my thing that I love that much, could sink myself into, and really be passionate about." I hate to use that word, "passionate", it is so overused these days. It and "amazing", "amazing" is today what "awesome" was back in the 80s. Way overused. But you get what I mean. I need a thing.

The trouble is that a thousand things seems interesting, but no one of them grab on to me with any real strength. I do love history, and have a wide collection of documentaries on dvds, as you already know, and books on history of all kinds. The world civilizations class I'm taking right now is very interesting, and I think that I'll stick with this subject. and I've really enjoyed writing this blog. I don't know that I would ever be bold enough to consider myself a writer, but this has been fun. Maybe I'll try some more poems, or write some history for you? It would be kind of cool to someday write a children's history book. I've thought of that off and on for a long time, but it just seems like such an outrageous ambition...? I don't know. I just feel like I've got some pent up, repressed energy that needs to get out, but what is it? Do you know? If you do, then please tell me. I'd love to figure this out.